476: Pickle Me Elmo

Grumpy Old Geeks. A weekly talk show hosted by Brian Schulmeister and Jason DeFillippo discussing the finer points of what went wrong on the internet and who's to blame.

Welcome to Grumpy Old Geeks. I'm Jason DeFillippo. And I'm Brian Schulmeister. We are recording again at night and I was hoping to hear your special night voice, Jason. No, no. It is about 105 degrees here at 8 p.m. in the valley in California, which means that the air conditioner is running in the house, so I can talk like a normal person now.

Very nice. Very nice. Okay. Well, I have to say, I know it's actually somewhat inconvenient and a pain in the butt to organize, but I do like the sitting here and having adult beverage and recording. Yeah, well, let's talk about that for a second. Because I had a week. I definitely had a week. Tonight will be the last time I drink on the show, probably for quite some time.

Okay. You know how you're always getting me to go to the doctor? Well, I did. Yeah. Well, once my blood test came back in, I got like five calls from my primary care physician and my secondary care physician and my third dairy care physician, however you want to call it, saying, we need to talk to you right now.

Okay. I got a lot going on. It's, you know, it's one of those things where I always push back against going to the doctor because you get older. Yeah. And because I knew this day would come. I knew this day was coming. You know, I treated my body like an amusement park for, you know, 49 years. And yeah, it's time to stop. Doctor's orders, apparently.

I'm very glad that you managed to make it into the doctor because I don't know how much longer anybody is going to have medical care. So it's a good thing that you're there. And, you know, there's no running from the truth, man. It is what it is. You deal with it and you move on. And, you know, we're making pennies here. And I want to keep making pennies, not have you six feet under.

Sure. Yeah. Yep. No, that's the way it works. Just for a little bit of an example, my triglyceride level, you know, a normal range for a triglyceride level is under 170. You want to take a stab at what mine is? Double.

4,000. Whoa. That's not good. So when people say we're grumpy old geeks, I literally go on cholesterol medication tomorrow to make sure my pancreas doesn't fall out of my stomach. Wow, man. That's, yeah, that's intense. Okay.

Yeah, yeah. That's just, that's just one little part of it. There's, there's so many other things that are falling off, but I'm on the path. I'm on the path. All right. Well, I'm glad that you are on the path and you're seeking out medical advice and hopefully you will follow it. And I will try to keep you to that in my own way as well. I'm sure most of your other friends. So we'll keep you on that. When you, when you put in what a week and a day, I was thinking other things, even though I'd known you've been having some medical issues.

She just didn't know what they were yet because I don't know. I probably permanently damaged my liver last night alone watching that debate. See, the thing about the debate was it's like, I, it is what it is. I actually stopped in the middle because it, you know, within the first five minutes, you knew what the fuck was going to happen. So I wasn't expecting.

There were some surprises along the way. There were some surprises. There were a few jaw droppers in there. Inshallah. So yeah, there was, there was all sorts of little, little nuggets that came along, but I didn't even drink last night because I was, you know, I'm on the path, but I'm drinking tonight. Cause tonight is literally the last night I can drink for a while.

Yeah, maybe. Well, let's, let's get those numbers in line and then we can talk. The only last thing I'll say about the debates last night is I've seen many people describe them as shit show, which I think is an insult to shit shows everywhere. I mean, that's even an insult to category five shit storm.

It really is. So I think all shit storms should be mortally offended by the comparison because that was beyond shit show. Yeah, it really was. And, and when I said it was a week and a day, so the week was, you know, all the health issues, but today was like, I had a really good day.

I went to go meet my new client. I actually go to, got to go to Beverly Hills and go to a penthouse and like see people and do things socially distant and all that good stuff. So you might have the Corona now too. No, no, I don't. Cause, cause basically everybody that was in that room said, yep, we had it already.

So I'm like, okay, great. But they had it back in March, which means all the antibodies have expired. Yes, which means they can get it again. But no, we, I mean, we were masked up, you know, for the most part. And then we opened all the windows and we were distant. We were very careful. You know, I'm very careful no matter what.

And yes, obviously your doctors would agree with that. Well, you know, with the Corona, I'm definitely careful because I could die if you fucking throw a feather at me right now. So I'm a little more careful about that than, you know, things like, oh, I don't know my liver. Right. But that was a good day.

But it was also a kind of a sad day. One of my best friends is leaving to move to Connecticut. And we had a very tearful goodbye today. There were lots of, you know, lots of tears and lots of groceries because she was cleaning out her fridge and she brought over everything that she had in her fridge.

Fortunately, there was a lot of almond milk because now I'm a hippie and I have to drink that shit. Unfortunately, now the grand exodus is happening with, you know, so many people leaving California and leaving cities. It's crazy. Well, there's kind of no point in being there if you don't need to be.

And a lot of people can work from home and will be working from home for a long time. For me, the grand exodus of my friends from California started a long time ago. I really have very few left, very few. I'm down to like a handful of friends that are still here in L.A.

Almost everybody I know has just left, gone to Ireland, gone back to New York, gone to wherever the hell they came from. Yeah. And I'm certainly just, as I do my bike rides or my walks around the area with my kid, for rent signs everywhere, for sale signs everywhere.

Moving trucks, like, you know, hand over fist. Yeah, and we were, we killed all of our bric-a-brac section last week because we had such a long show anyways. But one of the articles that I had in there was about people fleeing California, just like I am. And it's funny because they talked about it.

It was partially coronavirus, partially, you know, why would you pay these crazy rents if you're working from home anyways? Why would you pay these crazy rents or these crazy, crazy house prices? Taxes. Taxes. If you can't go out and enjoy all the things that L.A. gives you, you can't go to restaurants, there's no shows, there's no concerts, there's no opera, there's no orchestras, there's nothing.

You can't do any of those things. So why the fuck would you stay here right now? You know, it'll come back. It'll come back eventually. But I understand why people are leaving. But the articles also started to talk about something even more specific. And it was a cool phrase that I had not heard before. It was climate change migration, which is California's burning because climate change.

Well, yeah, I mean, over in Africa, that's kind of a normal thing. Yeah, well, it's new to us, whiteys. It is new to us, yes. You have to remember, every day somebody sees the Flintstones for the first time. So you have to take that into account. But yeah, I mean, the whole article is about that. It was mostly about people fleeing California because they all of a sudden realized that there's massive fires in their area every year now.

It's getting hotter. And as we've talked about a thousand times, we've become a third world country, really. So rolling blackouts, no air conditioning, and 110 degree heat. What are we doing here? Yeah, no, you have to remember, we do live in the desert.

And Silicon Valley is now, you know, Silicon Valley is an idea. It's not a place anymore. Exactly. So people are getting out. Yeah. No, it's kind of crazy. So I threw in this one for you, Brian. It's an article from the BBC called, Why Not All Screen Time is the Same for Children?

Did you get a chance to take a peek? I did. I read through it. It's not terribly different from what people have been talking about for quite some time. Other than that, obviously, they've had five to six months of intense study about this recently. Yes, exactly. So, yeah, it definitely gets into, okay, just sitting and watching Paw Patrol, not good.

If you can find things that are interactive, that's much better. And that's certainly what my wife and I have been trying to do. I think I've mentioned before, Osmo is a really great company that builds some really great interactive games and features for kids.

There's another company called Tappity that makes some really good stuff that my kids have been super engaged with. And they're all very interactive and they do a very good job of it. And I definitely find, you know, there's a different – look, let's be honest here. I'm working from home. My wife is working from home.

We need breaks. We just need breaks. As much as I love my kid, I can't just sit there on the floor and play with him and draw all day. I need him to self-regulate and self-play for a while. And he's not old enough yet to, like, sit down with a box of Legos.

He's got a deal. You know, he needs something that's actually actively engaging him. And finding these interactive apps has been a godsend for us. Yeah. I mean, like, you know, I was a latchkey kid and most of my life my mom was just, go entertain yourself. But he's a little too young for that now.

He's got a couple more years to cook until he's ready for that. But, yeah. And I can just – I can 100% tell you that I see the difference on days where he is just adamant about he wants to watch a movie or he wants to watch just regular TV. And he gets more TV than he normally gets.

He's a dick. Like, you can tell. Like, it is – there is a very different – he's just very different depending on what kind of media he's consuming. So there are good media and there are bad media. There's no doubt about that. Well, if he's a dick, I blame the parents. Yeah.

And I got to say, I've got this one. Best headline of the week goes to, Jeff Bezos wants to start a school for kids whose families are underpaid by people like Jeff Bezos. Sing it. Sing it, brother. Yeah. Yeah. No doubt about that. Yeah. And the subtitle is a free crash course in why generosity is no substitute for justice.

Yeah. I just thought that was just too good to let go. I had to put that in here. It's a damn good headline. So I'm going to keep an eye on what he's going to do because I'm curious. I mean, I think, you know, you and I have been talking about this for quite some time. It's like we are literally at the point where we can't expect our government to do much.

So we kind of need our billionaires to save us. So let's see what happens. Yeah. Because we gave them all our money. We gave them all the money. We took away all the regulations. So that money would have been going to the government. So we could have relied on our government to do things. But no, that's not, of course, the way we seem to want to go with things.

Nope. So anyway, I've got some also Amazon drone follow-up. Oh, yeah. I've been doing, you know, informal studies with non-tech people and have asked them. I'm like, hey, did you see this new Amazon home drone that they put out?

And then they're like, no, of course I haven't because why would I know about that? Jiminy, Jeepers, Crispy, I still have a rotary dial phone. Come on. So I explain it to them and 100% of, I'd say, about 12 people that I've talked to so far have come to our side and said, that is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard of.

Why would anybody want that in their home? Nobody wants a drone in their house. Let's move on from this stupid idea. I know. It's just like, I mean, did they not ask anybody? There had to be meetings. You know, there had to be meetings. Yeah, but you know what?

They had meetings and Bezos was sitting in the back going, this is my baby. Yeah, can't go against the great leader. Yep. Can't go against the great leader. So, yeah. No, I'm sure this was championed by somebody pretty high up. And, you know, there were probably many voice objections, not in the meeting, but around the water cooler, around other people.

Well, also, I think a lot of people are like, dude, this gives us a job. Let's just keep on going. Well, that's true right now, too. If somebody told me, I'd like you to build a website for fascists, I'd be like, how much are you paying? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's pretty much it.

Like, yeah, I mean, it might not be the best website, but geez. I might put in some cookies. I might change some wording that you'll probably never catch, but all right. Yeah, if you view Source, there might be maybe a Goatsy image or something here and there. But, yeah, I'll still take your money.

Look, I mean, I get it. Times are tough right now. Like, nobody's going to say no to a gig. No, and, I mean, we did that back in the day, too. I justified that to myself so many times, saying, hey, if I don't do it, somebody else will. So, you know, at least when I'm done, they'll get a good website, sort of, because I'm not going to try that hard, but I'm still going to take their money.

I worked for Coldplay. Brian wins the internet. From the I can't believe we're still talking about this, but then again, nobody actually listens to our show, so why should they?

What we've been saying all along since day one has been confirmed yet again with a big old long article over at Vox. Why, we're still years away from having self-driving cars. Yep. Self-driving cars were expected to roll out by 2021.

Here's what we need to solve and build first. And they say, you probably hear a lot less about self-driving cars than you did a few years ago. And the prospect of safely dozing off behind the wheel on long drives remains a distant fantasy, unless you end up in our Moron of the Week section. Exactly.

We hear about people nodding off behind the wheel all the time, and half of them are dead. Yes, and all old school car makers are teaming up with startups like Waymo, Cruise, Argo, and Zoox on the technology. But why is there... Zoox? Wait, wait, wait. Zoox? I haven't even heard of that one.

Zoox. Yep. That's another one. That sounds like a faux video game that was in a really shitty 80s movie that they had in the background. It's probably the last video game I ever played. Yeah, exactly. It's like a replacement for Zaxxon in Buckaroo Banzai or something.

Ooh, I did like Zaxxon. That was a fun game. I hate that fucking game so much. Fuck Zaxxon. So anyways, the article goes on, why the radio silence? And shockingly, what we've been saying all the time, there are a lot of naughty problems to solve that are conspiring to delay the arrival of the technology.

Everything from programming vehicles to follow the rules of the road to getting them to communicate with human drivers and pedestrians and everything else. Developing sensors that can work flawlessly in all kinds of weather and visibility and conditions, kids putting tape on stop signs, teaching cars how to respond to all the so-called edge cases they'll encounter on the road, such as comprehending the difference between a flock of birds dashing across the road or windblown leaves, et cetera, et cetera.

Oh, oh, wait. What have I always said, Jason? All or nothing, right? All or nothing. That's right. Also, cars don't drive in a vacuum. The roads and infrastructure, as well as federal, state, and local regulations, have to accommodate fleets of robocars, and the public has to be on board, too.

Many puzzle pieces must fall perfectly into place. To put it more simply, five years ago, as companies developing this tech talked a big game to lure talented investment dollars, we were all more optimistic than realistic. I would say not all of us. Not all of us. About the timeline for rolling out autonomous cars that are predictable, reliable, and as safe as possible.

So thank you so much, Fox, for listening to us for seven years now. I wonder if this writer who wrote this piece is one of the people we sent stickers to because they went back and listened to all the old episodes of our show. I just – I mean, it's a really good article, and it certainly lays out all the problems, but – We've covered all the problems.

We've covered all the problems. We know all this. A piece of chalk can stop a self-driving car in its tracks because you drive a – you draw a circle around it. That's it. That's it. You know, I can put a stop sign on my backpack, and, you know, they're talking about all these edge cases.

Here's the deal with the edge case. The car stops slowly, and that's it. I mean, yeah, if the LiDAR picks up something in front of you, you stop quickly. But, you know, otherwise, you just pull over and say, you, sir, the piece of meat that bought me, would you please take over for a moment while I, you know, get a little bit more combobulated?

Because I am currently discombobulated. The thing is, the more that I really think about self-driving cars, I start to think, well, obviously, first off, as I've always said, it has to be an all-or-nothing solution. Either every single car out there is autonomous or they aren't because you can't have the human Prius driver out there that doesn't know how to drive at all screwing it up for everybody.

And causing all the edge cases. And then I think about it even further, and like you said, it just takes a kid with some chalk or some tape on a stop sign that will cause a ton of problems and huge accidents and probably deaths as well. So now, in addition to all-or-nothing, you almost have to be in a sealed environment.

Dare I say something like maybe a public transport situation like, oh, I don't know, the London Underground and trams. Can we just go back to buses? Like, at this point, why are we even – why do cars? If we're going to reinvent transportation completely, surely there's a better option.

And you know what that option is, Brian? The Wedway People Mover. I think we need to go back to the Wedway People Mover. It would solve all the problems. And if you know what I'm talking about, then you know that I'm right. Because there are probably people scratching their head going, what the fuck is a Wedway People Mover?

Well, Google it. Google it. It was one of the worst Disney attractions in the history of ever. I love the People Mover. My dad and I had fun on it because we would get our lunch and we would eat it on the Wedway People Mover and we would ride around the park. I will tell you why I like the People Mover, and it is entirely because I was a young pubescent and very horny.

You got laid on the People Mover, didn't you? That was where you took the girl that you met, the tourist girl that you met during the summer that was into you and your big goth Robert Smith hair, and that's where you went to make out. Okay. I have very fond memories of that. We called it the People Maker.

Ah, yes. Okay. Well, I went there with my dad, so it was a little more innocent in my day. And I didn't know you had it here in California. I went on the one in Orlando because that's, in my book, that's the real Disney. Oh, yeah. No. Well, you're wrong because the one here was first.

I know it was first, but it wasn't best. Yeah. Anyway, let's talk about Google and Fitbit for a second. Okay. You know, this merger is going on. Well, it's not a merger. It's a buyout. Yeah. Google is going to buy Fitbit for $2.1 billion.

Wow. But Fitbit is getting a fucking deal there. Dude, I use my Fitbit every day. My Fitbit is, honestly, my go-to tracker. I have my watch, but all my competitions with all my friends are on my Fitbit. You and that, as in so many ways, Jason, are an outlier.

Oh, yeah. We're totally outliers. I know that. Because you know what? Most of the people I have competitions with are, you know, people my age. And they don't, a lot of them don't have Apple Watches. So that's the way it goes. Because they're cheap, you know.

That's the other difference. But here's the thing. The EU has said, we want some conditions on this buyout. And here are the conditions. Google must ask for user consent to access health data from devices. Okay.

Okay. Good. That's fine. I like that. Yeah. Google can't shut out wearable rivals from Android or its cloud services. Also good. Yeah. That's fine. Cloud services is a bit of an odd one, but okay. Well, you know, somebody makes a new watch like the Pebble or something.

I think that, I mean, the Pebble was like, you know, crowdfunded back in the day. So, you know, a new startup comes along and they want to do a wearable. They should be able to use Amazon's, you know, cloud services. I don't know why they would, because there's so many better options. Ones that stay up, you know. Yeah. But I get that.

The company must appoint a Brussels attache to assure the Europeans that it is complying. So they have to have a Brussels sprout, as it were, to... Well, look, we kind of have to do this now, don't we?

Because we have a long track record of these companies lying. Yes, exactly. So, yeah, okay. I'm fine with this oversight. It's oversight. Yes. It is oversight. It is oversight. So therein lies the guy. Now who we know that guy is, then we can, you know, that's the guy to bribe.

Yes, exactly. Now we know who to bribe. And finally, Google can't use Fitbit data to target ads for a decade. Okay. Why the decade number? Nobody knows why the decade number is in there.

Maybe because they think that, you know, in a decade, nobody will give a shit and technology will change so much that it won't matter. Okay. All right. I mean, look, I would personally like to have some sort of device for my fitness tracking that never sold my data for ads.

So I do. You have one. It's called your Apple Watch. Exactly. So I do an Apple Watch. I just think that's kind of invasive because, I mean, it's location targeted. So they're going to know I take a run and I go past Starbucks most days at seven in the morning. Okay. So I'm, what, going to start getting a lot of Starbucks ads?

Or is it going to go, this guy never fucking works out. Let's send him pizza ads. I mean, what's the deal here? Or like me, send him some Lipitor ads. There you go. Yeah. So, I mean, I think, you know, you get, I guess you get what you pay for, right?

Like, I don't, open market. Okay. Fine. If you want to, if you want to sell a cheap, cheap wearable and you're going to use that data, you need to make it really clear. I would like to see that on packaging, by the way, we will be using your data to target you for ads.

Yeah. I mean, like Kindle does that. Like you can buy a Kindle with ads or without ads. Yep. You know? Yeah. So, you know, it is what it is. It's fine. That 10 year thing is weird. But I mean, you know, who keeps a, who keeps any device for 10 years now? So you're going to have a new Fitbit anyways or something else.

Well, yeah, you wash the Fitbit after three weeks anyway. So I lost mine in a bar, the one you gave me. Yeah. Well, I'll tell you off air where I've lost a few of mine. But I mean, my Fitbit is the little one that I clip on my, my pocket. So it doesn't even have GPS or anything like that.

It is literally a glorified pedometer with Bluetooth. I'm not even sure they still sell those because I remember looking for my wife and I couldn't find it on their site. They must bury them. Yeah, they do. I think it's the Ultra. You can still get them and then you have to, they come in a watch form factor, but you can buy for another like 15, 20 bucks, a little silicone pocket clip, which is what I use.

And that's the same thing that all my friends use. We all have the same stuff. We don't, we don't get the, the fancy watches because they're like, well, if I'm going to spend that much, I'm just going to buy an Apple watch. Why would I bother with that? But these things are like, you know, they're, they're, they're still not cheap. They're like, you know, I actually, I think about 70 to 90 bucks, depending on if you get it with a heart rate monitor.

Yeah. See, they're not cheap. So even, even the, the supposed feature of a Fitbit being cheap, they aren't that cheap anymore. But you know, the, the stuff that they give you on the backend with the, uh, the badges, you've got some stinking badges, but also the, the competitions, you know, they do track the competitions and they have some, they have some fun stuff that really make it, make you get out of the house.

Of course, they're going to change the trophy. Now it's going to be ad based. So you're going to get a big Mac. Yeah. You've walked the, the length of the great wall of China. Google gets some Kung Pao chicken at China garden or wherever, you know, oh, Panda express. I'm sure Panda express would be the, there you go.

The sponsor for that. Yeah. Their orange chicken. I thought it was great when I was a kid, but now that I have taste buds, oh God, that stuff's garbage. Yes. Yes. So speaking of Google though, I want to keep on with them because they have quite possibly the best feature in a phone that I have ever seen.

And I wish that everybody had this. It's called the new hold for me feature. And what they do is when you get on hold for, you know, say talking to the IRS, which I have to do often, uh, and the, the music that they have is scientifically engineered to drive you fucking mad.

What Google's hold for me feature will do the, the Google assistant will chime in and say, Hey, would you like me to hold for you? And I would press that button. I would press that button so hard that I would need a new Google phone because my finger would go through the screen. Yeah. Yes, yes, yes.

And, uh, yeah. And it, it'll tell you when there's a real person on the other line. Like if somebody picks up and starts talking, they'll say, please wait for blah, blah, blah, you know, like, please wait for Jason to come back on the line and then notify you and notify you. And then you can come back on.

That's genius. I love that. Um, a lot of companies, but I, what I've noticed recently is that a lot of companies have rolled that out internally, um, which is really great. I use that option every time there's always now, uh, at least with bigger companies like Verizon. I know I, I did it with them.

Uh, call you back. Yes. The call you back, which is the best thing ever. Yes. Like just every company should be doing that. And you wouldn't even need a whole for hold for me feature. I, I love the hold for me feature for everything else. And that's amazing. I wish I had it on my iPhone for once.

I'm, I'm jealous of an Android phone, completely jealous, but every company you need to do the call you back feature. Now there's no point. We have the technology. You can put it in your cues, just get it done because nobody wants to sit around on hold anymore. Yeah.

Going back to the healthcare thing. I had to, you know, like I said, I got all these robo calls from my, my doctors when my, my blood work came in and they're like, we need to talk to you. We need to talk to you. We need to talk to you. Please call us back here. Please call us back here. And I'd call back and the whole time is now a 45 to 72 minutes.

Yeah. Forget that. And that was it. That noise. Yep. Yeah. And, or you can use our online version. And what I found is the online version got me a, an appointment in November. I'm like, uh, you're calling me to tell me I'm about to die and you want me to come see you in November.

Welcome to healthcare 2.0. Yeah. Then you, you know, here's, here's the real trick. You just keep pressing zero, zero, zero, zero, zero over and over again. Then you get to a human and then you say, Hey, you guys called me and say, I'm about to die. How soon can you get me in? And then they magically find a spot tomorrow for your doctor to talk to you.

How's that work? I don't know. I have to say I'm very happy with my personal healthcare because I can actually email my doctor directly and it's amazing. So I like that anyways. Yeah. Yeah. I have Kaiser Permanente. You never want Permanente in the name of your hospital.

I will be here Permanente. Last time, last time I said that I was with Kaiser Permanente, you said the exact same joke. It's a good, it's a good joke. I have to say though, that being, being like going in through the COVID screening and all that stuff, the thermal cameras and all that stuff, it, it really felt like you're, you know, it felt like 1984.

Like you have to go stand there and they're like, okay, walk forward. Oh, I'm sorry. It's not 1984. It's like going through the airport nowadays, but it was, it was somewhat pleasant. Anyway, I actually did it today. I went and got a flu shot today, so I had to do all that sort of stuff, but it was fine.

I felt safer. Yeah. You have, you have mocked me for years about getting a flu shot, right? Yeah. I got mine two weeks ago. Ha! Good job. I'm impressed. I will give you a hearty round of applause and I will not buy you an alcoholic beverage next time I see you in 2023 or whatever the fuck.

I know. It's so funny. The last time we saw each other in person was the day before the lockdown. Yep. Speaking of sci-fi nightmare films, I saw this article and I used to be, there's Whole Foods Venice, which is just down the street from me. And I used to go there all the time.

Like most of our shopping was done at Whole Foods since COVID hit or much less so. And the real thing that changed everything for me was when Amazon bought it out. It changed as a store. They got rid of so many of our favorite brands.

They replaced them with other things. The quality went down considerably. You know, I want some goddamn organic arugula. I don't want a fucking ring drone for my house. And you have more of those in your goddamn store than organic arugula now. Why the fuck do you want organic arugula?

Because it's delicious. Ugh. God damn. Anyways, saw this article. The title is, It's Like Being in a Sci-Fi Nightmare Film. Whole Foods employees say Amazon workers are crowding stores, ignoring virus protocols, and hounding them for help as online orders surge.

So yes, obviously people are ordering online all the time now. And there is a division between the old school Whole Foods employees, who are now Amazon employees, of course, and the workers who pick and pack Amazon's Prime now online orders. Whole Foods employees said they are suffering from understaffing and struggling to keep shelves stocked as growing numbers of Amazon Prime workers' canvas stores to fill all the online orders.

A manager at a Whole Foods store in the Northeast called Prime workers' vultures, who come in and pick every department clean. One Whole Foods store is so busy with Prime orders that it has workers packing and storing groceries in a nearby parking garage, which sounds great.

A Whole Foods representative said online grocery delivery demand experienced unprecedented growth this year. And as we evolve our offerings in real time, we are constantly evaluating how we can address challenges and work more efficiently. So you can get some Pennzoil from the ground on your organic arugula.

Hey, consider it dressing. It's oil, right? Yeah, it is oil. It's Pennsylvanian oil. It's funny. My roommate went over to the local Amazon store. You know, we have that one Prime store here. She went over yesterday morning and she used the dash cart and she loves the thing.

And she's like, how do they know the weight of all the packages that you put into the basket? I'm like, what do you mean? She's like, well, when you weigh a carrot and you put it in, then you go buy a bunch of other stuff and you put it in. And then you go buy, go back and buy some broccoli and put it in.

It must know all the weights of all the other things that it put in. And I had to sit there for five minutes and explain. Brian, you know where I'm going with this, right? Oh, I do. I do. Yeah. I'm like, no, it just has a scale in the cart. And so whatever you put in that's not getting weighed just gets weighed.

And it's the differential between what the weight of the shit in your cart is, what you're putting in now. And it took me 20 minutes to do that. I shit you not. You have the patience of a saint, my friend. I do. Dude, you have no idea. Actually, you really don't. But I guess you do with her.

Yes, I do. I do. And she said that there were no customers in the store, but there were a million shoppers. Because that place is set up for handling the pickup deliveries and online deliveries. So she's like, the place was just packed with people shopping and they were just Amazon shoppers.

Yeah. But she did use the Alexa and she said that it was fantastic. It worked completely as advertised. Yeah, she's like, where's the popcorn? She's like, aisle 11. And then she's like, where's something else? She's like, and Alexa did say this. She's like, you might also find that in aisle 11, which I thought was fucking cool.

The fact that it knew the aisle that you just asked for and then knew to change the verbiage of the response to what you were looking for. Instead of just saying that's in aisle 11, it said that is also in aisle 11. That, my friend, is really nuanced programming.

And I appreciated that. Yeah, they're getting much better at it. I appreciated that. I'm just like, that is kind of cool. That is really kind of cool. So I haven't been back yet, but they've got the best produce department in the neighborhood. So I'm going to go back this week because now all I get to eat is vegetables because I'm a fucking rabbit.

Might I suggest you try the organic arugula? Oh, fucking Christ. I had kale yesterday. Give me a break. Can I have a day off? Arugula is way better than kale. Oh, anything's better than kale. I'm sorry. This one, though. This is not a tech story, but it made me laugh my ass off.

Parrots removed from UK Family Safari Park after teaching each other to swear and laughing about it. I love this story, too. I saw this. It was great. Oh, God. This is at the Lincolnshire Wildlife Park in Manchester.

And they got a new batch of birds in and they're quarantined. So, you know, they came in and they were quarantined together. And basically, the birds taught each other to swear like sailors. And it was exacerbated by the fact that when the birds were put into the, you know, the enclosure where people could be around them, that people would start laughing when the birds started swearing and it would make the birds swear more.

It was like this, this filthy feedback loop. That's amazing. I love it. I love it. Ironically, because it's in England and in the UK, the one bird that says cunt, totally fine. At QVC, fall shopping is more than just checking out.

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Media Candy. You have been trying to get me to watch a show called Utopia for quite some time. You've even got me the download dump from Sweden, which I actually have. I just haven't gotten around to watching it. It's getting a remake. I think we've talked about that as well.

But I saw this really interesting article that makes me just not want to watch either version of the show right now. It's called Amazon's Utopia Should Never Have Been Released in 2020. Now, I vaguely knew what the show was about, but now I definitely do. And I have zero interest in watching this anytime soon.

The article says it's not just unnecessary to have this remake. It's spectacularly ill-timed. It kind of is, but yeah. Yes. And it's spectacularly bad too. I got a note when I was watching the debates last night because I made a tweet that I, you know, I'm going to go watch Lovecraft Country because fake demons are way more entertaining than the demons we have right now.

So I'm going to go watch Lovecraft Country and somebody asked me about Utopia. So I went and watched the first six minutes of it and being a fan of the original BBC Four series and have seen it. I've seen it like five times because I just adore it. I watched the first six minutes of the Amazon series and just had to turn it off and say, do not watch any more of this period because it's going to ruin your brain to the really good one.

All right. All right. I won't cover any more of this article because I don't want to do a spoiler alert for a brand new show for anybody. But if you are on the fence about watching it, you might want to go read the article. Or just go get the original too because the original is not as, you know, bad as this article says, you know, the new one is.

So, you know, they changed a lot of it because it was out, you know, several years ago. There's a link to – there's two British TV series called Utopia. There's one that's actually in production right now. The one that you want to watch is not the one that's in production right now because they are really trying to make a new Utopia in the new TV series.

And the old one is definitely not about that. Definitely not even close. So I've got a new podcast I've been listening to. It is Deep Questions with Cal Newport. Okay. You've read Cal Newport's books, right? One of them, I believe, at your recommendation.

Yeah. Okay, yeah. He's done, like, so good they can't ignore you. And, I mean, he's written a bunch of really good books. He's a very deep thinker. He works in academia. He's a computer science teacher. And I really like the guy. I've always liked the guy. And then he started a podcast because that's what everybody fucking does in the pandemic and ruins our numbers.

Thank you, jerks. But Cal's show is pretty good if you want to get super nerdy deep into productivity. I don't. Yeah. I enjoy listening to it because it's just like, yeah, I'm kind of beyond that now.

I got my systems. But people who don't have systems might find some usefulness in Cal's, you know, show. All right. And I've been watching Tehran on Apple TV+. Mm-hmm. It's good. It's really good. Homeland? It's better.

Okay. It's better. And it's a short series. I think they're, you know, well, they did the three launch thing. You know, let's launch three episodes to get you hooked in and go from there. We watched it over two days, the first three episodes. And they're really good.

They're really, really good. It looks good. I mean, definitely super massively high production values. So it looks interesting with your recommendation. I will watch one now. Yeah. And the recommendation of our friends on our Discord channel, because that's where I originally learned about it.

So, yeah, I'm really enjoying it. And my roommate's enjoying it, too. And we're just, and actually, we sent it to all of our friends. And they're like, yeah, we watched it already, because we're a day behind. And they're like, we love this show. So check it out. It's pretty good. You know, it's basically about a Mossad agent that infiltrates Tehran.

And hijinks ensue. All right. And, you know, I talked about when we went back and rewatched Entourage a couple episodes ago. And we went through the whole eight episodes of Entourage. And I remembered another show that I wanted to watch called Hustle.

And this is a BBC series, you know, pretty good BBC series. And it's about con artists. Yeah. And the thing about Hustle, which, Brian, I think you might like, is every single episode has a happy ending.

Oh, I need that in my life right now. Every episode has a happy ending, period. You know, nonstop. So, I mean, we're four seasons in now, because it's, you know, British seasons. Yes, of course. It's like an episode and a half for a season. But the whole crew is really good.

It's a really fun series, and I highly recommend it. So, if you're looking for something, like, lighthearted, it's really good. I mean, it's really good. You leave every episode kind of on a high note, which we need a lot more of. And I saw this one, which just kind of made me laugh, because, you know, people need to laugh nowadays.

Are you a Borat fan? I am. Okay. Well, you're going to get the Borat sequel in October. I'm very excited. Yes, I thought you might be. The timing couldn't be better. The title couldn't be better. Have you read the title of the film?

Nope. Are you ready for this? I'm waiting. I'm waiting. Okay, here we go. Borat, gift of pornographic monkey to Vice Premier Michael Pence to make benefit recently diminished nation to Kazakhstan. All right.

How is this not going to be amazing? Okay, we're back. Oh, my God. Yeah. I am such a fan of Sacha Baron Cohen. I mean, going back to Ali G, I love everything he's done.

And just he's amazing. He's a comic genius, and I cannot wait for this. Did you watch his whole This Is America series? I did. It was really good. Okay. I couldn't get into it, so I didn't watch that. I mean, I love Ali G. You know, that was great.

Of course, Borat, and what was the other one he did? I'm totally blanking on it right now, but I know what you're talking about. You know what I'm talking about, yeah. Yeah, he was at one of my locals one night. He's giant. Yeah, he's a huge dude. He's a giant dude.

Oh, my God. But he was buying drinks for everybody, so it was pretty fun. Also, he hates Facebook, so, you know. Well, he's one of us. Yeah. He's one of us. Yeah, that tirade he went on the Facebook thing was pretty good. I've got to give him that. And this one, I'm on the fence about this one, man.

I'm 100% not on the fence. They should not do this. Well, I'm going to tell you why I'm on the fence about this. Hackers might be coming back, and they're actively considering either a reboot or a sequel. Now, here's why I'm on the fence about this.

It's because the same director will be doing it, Ian Softley. Now, Ian was basically a music video director before he got the job at Hackers, right? Yep. That's why there's, like, such great music, and the visuals are so music video-esque.

And, you know, times have been a-changing. So I don't know if he can pull it off, but, you know, what do we got to lose if he does? You know, if he does try. I'm fine if he wants to do either a reboot with cameos or a sequel.

I don't think a sequel would actually work. First off, Angelina Jolie is never showing up for this. Oh, God, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. He would have to CG the shit out of her. No, but Johnny Lee Miller and the rest of the cast, those guys ain't got much on their plate right now.

Yeah, that's like, because I think Elementary is probably done at this point. And, you know, Shaggy is not doing any Scooby-Doo movies anytime soon. And I know where the rest of the guys are. So I think they would pretty much, yeah, like you said, be there with bells on. So, but yeah, Angelina would not be into this.

She's quit. She's retired, right? I believe so. Unless, you know, Oprah-level kind of stuff comes her way. That's all she does. Hackers reboot ain't Oprah-level type of shit. No, no, it's not. Not at all. But if he wants to give it a shot, man, I think it would be fun.

I still love the first movie. It's good. It's solid. I mean, but, you know, I still love Gleaming the Cube. Well, you're on your own for that one. Now you can see my house in the opening credits, man. It was great.

What? Or my parents' house, anyways, because they shot it in Southern California. There's like a helicopter scene at the beginning where they're flying over Anaheim, basically. I didn't know that. That's new trivia for me. Well, there you go. Speaking of shows that just leave you smiling, I have to give you a huge thumbs up.

And thanks, Jason, because the media world is so convoluted these days. When I watched Episode 8 of Ted Lasso, I thought that was the last one for the season. And you're the one that told me, no, it's not. So I went back to my Apple Plus and I got to see Episode 9. And I'm looking forward to Episode 10.

And God damn it, it's my favorite show of the year. It's so good. It's just so good. It's so fucking good. Jason Sudeikis is just fucking great. Now all those tweets that I got from him when people were pimping the show, I wish I would have reached out.

Yeah, you should have. I'm no longer angry at him for being married to Olivia Wilde, who should have been my wife. But, you know, it's fine now. It's fine. It's totally okay. Speaking of my wife, my actual one, she is, I don't know, kind of a basketball fan.

So we've been watching The Last Dance on Netflix, which is focused a lot in your town. You know, it's about Michael Jordan. It's his whole thing. Spoiler alert. He's kind of a dick. Spoiler, spoiler alert. You kind of have to be to be that good at something. Yep.

And that's my takeaway from this. Brian, you and I have worked with celebrities for how long? Yeah, they're all dicks. They're all dicks. They're all dicks. It's all ego all day long, and that's the only way you get to that place. So I get it. I think it's actually really good.

It's fascinating. Ten episodes an hour long each episode is a bit fucking much, especially since I don't care that much for basketball. And I lived through that. I was there. I was in Chicago when the Bulls were in their heyday, and I just don't fucking care anymore.

You know, I've had my fill of Michael Jordan, the Bulls, and I don't even like basketball that much. So, you know, everybody loves it. They think it's fantastic, but I can't even fathom press and play on that. Yeah, it's not for you.

As a sports ball guy, I'm able to get through it, and I've actually thoroughly enjoyed it. It was good. It could have been four episodes instead of ten. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. But it was good. And the thing is, even back then, I had Bulls shirts.

You know, I was wearing my Jordan 2s. I even went to my meeting today, I was wearing Air Jordans. You know, I'm a fan of Michael Jordan, even though he's a dick. But, you know, he did bring home the trophy many times in Chicago. Yes, he did. But I've been through it.

I've actually been to a Bulls parade. So, come on. I think I put it my time, and I don't have to watch that. The closest I got is listening to Rage Against the Machine's Bulls on the Parade about 10,000 times when I was 18. I fucking hate Rage Against the Machine. Yeah, I'm not a big fan either, but I did love that song back in the day.

And I want to give a shout-out to what I often called our sister show, our Canadian show, Geeks and Beats, which was a Canadian version of kind of what we do. There was one guy that was kind of super into the music industry, one guy that was super into technology.

And they talked about a lot of the same stuff that we did. And I always enjoyed their show. And it kind of came as a bit of a surprise, but not really. They just recorded their final episode. They are calling it a day. If you listen to the final episode, you'll understand why. And you and I, Jason, can talk about their numbers later and have a few discussions about, of course, they're going to shut down the show.

But it was sad to see them go. I always really enjoyed listening to it. Although I will have to say, the past few months, you could tell that they were busy with other stuff and were kind of just phoning it in. So if you don't have the time to do it, don't do it. Here's the thing about that, though.

This is the second time that we've had this on the show, the RIP Geeks and Beats. They took a hiatus, and they were never very specific about it. They just kind of disappeared for a long time, and then they came back. But this time, they actively, like, they got on all their people that had been writing for them, and this was the finale, final goodbye.

It's done. Okay. Well, for us sometime, that may be in the future. But not now. Well, you know, I did make a note of it, like, the way that they ended their show. We should keep that in mind when we're getting ready to wrap it up.

They did a good job of it. They did. Yeah, I looked at it. Yeah, it's a good way to go. And this is a late addition to the show. Brian, I want you to click on the link I just added to the show notes for Rammstein's Hurtleid 25th Anniversary Edition. No, you know I don't like Rammstein.

Click on the link now. God damn it. I'm not a fan. Oh, that's funny. See? Gotcha, motherfucker. Okay, but you know what? They stole this from Gorillaz. Gorillaz did the same thing about 10 years ago, where they did a super old-school-looking interface for their website.

Okay, okay, fine. But the email that I got from them was all, like, Windows 95. I mean, I was hoping they put it on the website, and they did. So at least you have a little bit of retro there, you know. That's clever.

I like that. Because you click on the stuff, you get little pop-ups. It is a fully functional. As long as you don't hit the pre-order link, there's a ton of little – it works pretty well. And this is something that we would have had a shit ton of fun building, you know. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah.

Yeah. And there's even a version of Snake in there. So go check it out. Even if you're not a Hertzlead fan or a Rammstein fan, go check out the website. I think they did a good job. At the library.

All right. Well, this is exciting news. Leviathan Falls, the ninth and final book of the Epic Expanse sci-fi series, has been revealed. I'm only on book three, so I've got a long time to go. And I'm not entirely sure I want to get too far in front of the TV series, because I kind of like watching the show first.

I feel the same way about – I felt the same way about Game of Thrones. So there you go. We're going to get a final, final book. And the thing that I didn't even realize, because I don't look into stuff very much, I didn't realize James S.A. Corey was actually two people. What?

Yeah. The writing duo behind the successful series, Daniel Abraham and Ty Frank, who are known collectively as James S.A. Corey. Huh. That's interesting. I thought that might surprise you as well. I had no idea. Maybe we need to come up with a nom de plume for grumpy old geeks.

Well, they hear both of our voices, Jason. But, you know, I guess. Shit. Okay. Got me on that one. Damn it. Maybe it's good this is your last drinking show. I know. God. Pickle me. Pickle me, Elmo.

Show title. All right. Well, Brian, I also found something new this week. And I was stunned. I was shocked. I was flabbergasted. Okay. There's a new Murderbot Diaries book, Diaries No. 6, coming out in 2021, April 27th.

And it's called Fugitive Telemetry. Okay. Now, I didn't even know there was a number five. I have to be honest with you. I really, we've talked about these books on the show. I've really enjoyed them. I could not tell you a single plot for any single one of these books. And I cannot tell you if I even read five.

You probably didn't. I'm stuck on exit strategy number four. I've been stuck on the first like 20 pages for a long time. Right. But I'm trying. I'm trying. Because I actually read these because these are on my Kindle, my actual Kindle device.

Right. But I was thinking of going back to the beginning and just powering through the whole thing. So I get it all in one go. But then I thought, they weren't that good. They were good. They weren't amazing. They're no Bobaverse. The problem is, she peaked at number one.

Yeah, that was really the best one. And number two was, like, number one was fantastic. I loved number one. Number two, pretty good. Number three, eh. Number four, the fact that I can't get past 20 pages reminds me of the last Christopher Moore book, Noir, that we both read, like, seven times and couldn't even finish.

So I'm like, do we need a five and a six? Is it going to ramp back up and, like, you know, give us a good finale? Or is she just milking this shit to get a fucking screenwriting deal? You know? I remember liking four, but I do remember, and to your point, I think that there is something about this, the first one being the best.

Because this is the problem that plagues a lot of sci-fi, is the really interesting thing is the initial idea, right? It's whatever new that they brought to the table the first time around. The fact that there were murder bots and that one would go rogue and develop sentience and want to do different things.

Super exciting concept. And that's why the first book is the best. What do you do with it after that? That always tends to be a problem. That tends to be where a lot of sci-fi authors fall down. So, yeah. Yeah. Because, I mean, she's going back to the familiar tropes in number four, where she's, like, you know, trying to trade media with the AI for the ships to, like, you know, keep themselves entertained to get transport from point A to point B.

I'm like... Okay. I definitely read that one, because now I remember that. Yeah. Yeah. That was in two books already. I mean, that was in three and four. Actually, it might have been two and four. But, I mean, it's decent, but it needs some serious editing to turn this into a film, which it could be.

I think it could be a film. But, I don't know. I mean, it's like, come on, Martha. Come on, Martha. I'm going to see where I'm at, but I'll have to go through my Amazon Kindle purchase. History and figure out if I've read five or not. We'll see. See, that's why I put in the show notes, I put them in order in the show notes from one through five or one through six, because that's the problem I have, because they're out of order in my Kindle, and I can never figure out which ones I've read or not.

Right. It's like, oh, come on. So, those are all in the show notes. Go check them out if you want to. I mean, I still recommend number one and number two highly. They were fantastic. And then it just, if you can stick through the rest, let us know. Now you think they go.

And I picked up a new Audible audiobook. This is an Audible original, which I know you hate. This is a little book called Freaks, P-H-R-E-A-K-S, which lets you know it's about phones, by Matthew Derby, who I've never heard of.

And it's narrated by Ben McKenzie, Karen Kuhn, Christian Slater, Justice Smith, Brie Clouser, and just basically it's a full cast. Okay. And it's not that long. It's only five hours and ten minutes. But it's really well done from a technology standpoint.

They really nailed, you know, phone freaking back in the day. 1970 is the year it's set in. Yeah, exactly. And there's a lot of hippie stuff, commune stuff going on. And Christian Slater's character gets really freaky.

And yeah, he does. Like gleaming the cube freaky? Like sex with men freaky. Oh, okay. Well, hey. It's 2020. Oh, wait, we're going back to 1970 attitudes, aren't we? So basically, no, it's like, you know, it's flipping from 1970 to like 1970 attitudes.

And then we had that 40 year, was it 50 years in between? I forgot how fucking old we are. And then now we're back to normal. But either way, it's still a really good book. And it's about a blind girl who learns about the phones.

And I really, I'm enjoying it. I've got like, you know, a half hour to go. Because there was no traffic in LA today. So I got through my commute a lot faster than I thought I was going to. To bring it back a little bit full circle. Do you know where I learned how to do freaking? Mm-mm.

At the phone banks. The way to wait, people mover? At phone banks in Disneyland. There we go. There we go. We figured out all the codes that you could dial. And then we'd just start dialing international numbers. Because we had punched in the codes for free calls. And yeah, I did all that at the phone banks at Disneyland.

Right over by the, oh God, what's the name of the space ride there? Space Mountain? Space Mountain. Right by Space Mountain. The Space Ride. Oh, the one with the space in the title. Space Mountain. Yeah, that one. And you say you grew up at Disney.

Jeez. Oh, God, we've been recording forever already. Moron of the Week. Elon Musk is back again with our top Moron of the Week. I thought we kicked him out, didn't we, Brian? Has he reached Kanye level yet? Not yet.

He's getting close, though. Well, with this one, he's getting really close. We have a hate-hate relationship on this show with anti-vaxxers. We always have. Yep. And it turns out, Elon says he will not get the vaccine for COVID because he's not at risk, nor are his kids.

Kids? Say what? Wait, he has one kid. Well, he says kids. Okay. Maybe he's just, you know, he's putting a blanket statement down because, you know, he's got one that he knows of.

Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Well, if he doesn't, if he's not aware of his other kids, how does he know that they're not at risk for COVID? Exactly. Hmm. Look, if you got a baby mama in every town, you have no idea what those kids are up to. Exactly. So, you know, he came back in March and said that, you know, there's close to zero new cases, and by the end of April, the pandemic is going to be dumb, and this is all going to blow over.

It's going to disappear by Easter, Brian. Look, Trump, Musk, Adam Carolla, Dr. Drew, they've all got to stick with their fucking stupid party lines. Of course he's going to say this. He's a moron. I'm sitting, look, Elon. No, no, no, everybody else has at least flipped script and come back.

Not Carolla. Well, Carolla's a fucking idiot, but. Or Trump. You know. Or, well, also, idiot in chief. But at least Dr. Drew came back and said I was wrong because, you know, he wants his shitty contract on Fox. He said I was wrong with a bunch of caveats, the fucking pussy.

Yeah, he is a giant fucking pussy. I've lost all respect for him. I used to really, really like Dr. Drew. I mean, I really like Dr. Drew. I grew up with him. I grew up on Loveline. Yeah, me too. Yeah, yeah. But he's just, he's a fucking idiot. So. Anyways, the point being, of course, he's going to do this.

Musk is a moron. Look, Elon, you're not listening to the show. I know you aren't. I'm sitting here right now. My left arm, it feels like a brick because I got a flu shot today. Fucking man up, you puss. Closing shout outs.

A huge shout out to all of our listeners that are engaging with us and writing. We had a full feedback loop section, but obviously we're already over an hour long, so we will be doing the feedback thing next week. Thank you for your patience with us as we're dealing with stuff and didn't have the time to do two full episodes this week.

We will, we're not quitting anytime soon, regardless of our comments earlier. We'll keep up with this, so please do keep writing us, keep tweeting us, join our Discord. We really appreciate all the feedback. It's really the only reason that we continue to do this because, you know, we're not paying the bills or anything.

No, we're paying some. We're paying some bills. We're paying the bills for the podcast. I'll give you that. Yeah. So, and yes, what Brian said, and yeah, Tuesday is going to be a feedback extravaganza. And probably only that because I'm not coming back until late Monday night.

Ah, shit. Actually, that's fine. We got so much feedback that it's more than enough to keep us entertained. So, and my shout out is to my docs. So, thanks for keeping me alive at least one more day. Although, you know, after this, who knows, maybe I'll just fall dead walking to the, back to the house.

I don't know. I just don't know anymore. Until next time, I'm Jason DeFillippo. And I'm Brian Schulmeister. Thanks for listening to Grumpy Old Geeks. This show is labor love, but your support keeps the show going. If you like the show, please visit gog.show slash donate to help us out. We'll love you forever.

Or visit gog.shop and pick up some good old-fashioned GOG swag. And if you can't do that, then please pass the show along to a friend. Word of mouth is the only way this show grows because Facebook advertisements don't work. So, spread the grump far and wide. Show notes for this episode are at gog.show slash 476.

Trying to build some energy here at the end for people that actually make it to the very end. Bring it home. Bring it home. Brian, come on. Bring it home. From there, you can find links to old episodes, leave feedback, ask questions, donate to the show, buy our swag, and get links to stuff we like.

Stay fucking grumpy. You might pay for the whole seat, but you're only going to need the edge. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. At QVC, fall shopping is more than just checking out.

It's discovering the brands you love across beauty, fashion, home, and culinary, all in one place. Whether you're getting ready for crisp mornings, cozy nights, or everyday moments, QVC has what you need for the season ahead.

With brands like Laura Geller, Philosophy, Ninja, and so many more. Shop now at QVC.com.